LOVE POEM FOR A BILLY GOAT<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A Short Story by Joe Wilkins<\/p>\n
Copyright \u00a9 2015<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Randy Watson was confused\u2014but he also felt good, because he figured he must be in love, or at least what he imagined love must be like. After all, what did someone like him know about love, except what he had read about it, or seen in the movies. At age thirteen, these were all new feelings he\u2019d never had before.<\/p>\n
As he sat in the swing on his front porch, his attention was temporarily diverted by the widow Andrew\u2019s squeaking grocery cart, as she pulled it down the sidewalk across the street. She looked very tired, and Randy thought about helping her, but she didn\u2019t like him much because of his pet billy goat, so he let her trudge on down the street.<\/p>\n
It was a very hot and sticky day in his hometown of Riverside, Florida, with the late afternoon, July air hanging like the limp Spanish moss on the overhanging live oak trees that lined the street in front of his house. But Randy paid little attention to the heat, because he was wondering about all this love business.\u00a0 In addition, his father was due home from a three-week business trip at any time now.<\/p>\n
He looked out across the street at the huge, orange, late afternoon sun slowly slipping through the trees and dropping behind the Coca Cola bottling plant down the block. He wondered why the sun and moon always looked bigger as they got near the horizon.<\/p>\n
As he swung back and forth, he looked next door over to the Henderson house to see if Lori had come back out of the house yet. She was nowhere around, probably up in her room, doing whatever teenage girls do after school in the late afternoon. He had started having some very strange feelings for her about two months ago, which surprised him, because she had lived next door for years and he had never given her much thought. He knew she liked him, because she was always asking him to play when they were younger, or coming over to visit his mother, or wanting to go to the movies with him on Saturdays. But he had never thought much about their relationship, just accepting their friendship mostly as two young playmates.<\/p>\n
Then, about a year ago, she had definitely begun to mature into a young woman, and he did <\/em>notice that. Her maturity\u2014and his, later on\u2014had kind of silenced their relationship, whereby he felt very different and awkward when she was around, so he had tended to avoid her, because he now knew that things would be different between them, and he wasn\u2019t sure how to handle it. Then, about a month ago, he had had a very startling dream about her and him, where they were passionate lovers. Boy, did that change things.<\/p>\n Soon, though, Randy\u2019s thinking drifted back to his mother and father. These were not good thoughts, because something was wrong between them, but he didn\u2019t know what it was. When his parents were around each other, they avoided looking at each directly. And the words between were short and brief, as if they didn\u2019t really want to talk. Something was definitely wrong. But what was funny about it was that they never argued or had harsh words. It was as if they controlled their anger so they wouldn\u2019t disturb him. Boy, parents were hard to figure out .<\/p>\n Randy especially noticed that his mother was also growing more distant to him, but he didn\u2019t know what to do about it. For a while, he had tried to be extra nice to her, behaving better so as not to give her any reasons to be mad at him, but that was not working because she would either cut him short in their conversations or seemed to be avoiding him altogether. As a result of this, Randy was getting tired of trying to figure her out just to please her.<\/p>\n However, his dad and he were still close, and he was anxious to talk to him about the whole problem, but not sure how to handle it.<\/p>\n He continued swinging and thinking, until he noticed that Lori had come out on her front porch. The sight of her excited him. She had suddenly gotten very pretty, and he wondered about that, because he\u2019d never thought of her as especially attractive when they were younger. But, boy was she good looking now. She didn\u2019t see him at first, so he continued looking at her intently, with a queer tightness forming in his throat, and he wondered that if he had to speak at that moment, would he be able to?<\/p>\n Then she turned and looked in his direction, seeing him sitting on the swing. \u201cHey, Randy,\u201d she called across the hedges, unaware of the new feelings he had for her. \u201cHave you fed Chester yet,\u201d referring to his pet billy goat that both had fed and cared for since they were younger.<\/p>\n He sucked in his stomach and stood up, trying to stretch himself a few years taller. \u201cNo, Lori, not yet. I was going too soon, though. Want to help?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d she answered gaily, tossing her head impishly, her long dark hair swirling provocatively. \u201cBeat you \u2018round back,\u201d she challenged, jumping off her porch and running toward the back of Randy\u2019s house toward the goat pen. He chased her briefly, she a slim, swift, flashing bird, and he stopped and watched her race to the pen, skimming gracefully in the twilight. He didn\u2019t want to catch her\u2014just watch.<\/p>\n He ambled up to the goat pen, trying to appear nonchalant, but certain she could hear his heart pounding. \u201cChester hasn\u2019t had much to eat today, so he\u2019s probably half starved,\u201d he announced, brushing by her to open the gate, acutely aware of her perfumed fragrance and closeness. \u201cHe\u2019s getting sort of rag-taggety and skinny. I think I\u2019ll stake him out in Mr. Robish\u2019s lot tomorrow. Got to fatten him up a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you bring him over to the field behind our garage,\u201d she said brightly. I\u2019m sure Daddy won\u2019t mind. The grass is better there, and it needs cutting anyway.\u201d Then she laughed, \u201cGoats are good lawnmowers!\u201d<\/p>\n Randy opened the pen gate, with Lori staying outside. \u201cOkay, Lori, thanks. Maybe tomorrow.\u201d He opened the large metal, feed-drum, pried off the lid, and scooped out some feed and put it in the trough.<\/p>\n They both watched Chester eat vigorously for a while, keeping an awkward silence, until they became aware of Lori\u2019s mother calling her. Randy came out of the pen and closed the gate, sensing Lori\u2019s closeness to him. When he turned, her face was close to his and her hair was framed around her face like a dark canopy that would envelope them with its intriguing cover and delightful fragrance. Then a distant look came into her dark eyes, and they looked at each other as if wondering what should happen next. Then, suddenly, she brushed her lips lightly across his, turned, and rushed home.<\/p>\n Randy was transfixed, wild new sensations leaping and charging through him. Was that a real kiss? He wasn\u2019t sure, because he\u2019d never kissed a girl before. His heart was throbbing, charging him to such intensity that he felt he would light up like a bulb. How beautiful she was!<\/p>\n He was uncertain how long he had been standing there, and was unaware of anything else, until his father placed his hand on his shoulder. \u201cHey, Randy, how\u2019s it going? How\u2019s old Chester?\u201d<\/p>\n Randy had been so engrossed in his reverie with Lori that his father\u2019s sudden appearance startled him. He had not heard his car pull into the driveway, and he quickly wondered if his father had seen him with Lori. \u201cGosh, Dad, great. Glad you\u2019re back. Have a good trip?\u201d<\/p>\n His father stood silent at first, watching the goat, before answering,\u201cHmm, not too bad\u2014not too good either. Average I guess,\u201d he mused, before turning to Randy. \u201cIt\u2019s good to get back home though. You known, Randy, these long sales trips are starting to get the old man down\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n There was tenseness in his voice, which meant it was probably a worse trip than he was letting on. Moreover, the disappointing sales trips were getting more frequent lately, Randy had noticed. He wondered if it was all the business, or his relationship with mom.<\/p>\n His father cuffed him lightly on the head. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s eat. Mom\u2019s waiting.\u201d<\/p>\n They went into the house through the back door to the kitchen. His mother was setting the table, and Randy followed his father to the sink to wash.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t you two wash in that sink,\u201d she admonished them. \u201cThat\u2019s what the bathroom\u2019s for. You\u2019d think a grown man\u2019d know better. And you, Randy Watson, I\u2019m not going to tell you again.\u201d She looked sharply at her husband, and Randy felt very futile and awkward, suddenly feeling like he wanted to protect his father somehow. Bitterness surged into him, as he shuffled to the bathroom to wash.<\/p>\n When he came back to the kitchen, his father had his hands around his mother\u2019s waist. \u201cNow, honey, don\u2019t be like this,\u201d he said, as if trying to seek some unknown understanding about his wife\u2019s foul mood. She stood very stiff, and then drew away, expressionless, and Randy couldn\u2019t help feeling how different she was becoming.<\/p>\n Supper was eaten quickly, in painful silence. Randy\u2019s food was tasteless, and he ate as fast as he could, while trying not to raise his parents suspicions that he was aware of the tension between them.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0He did not like all this family tension one bit.<\/p>\n After eating, Randy excused himself and went out to the swing on the front porch. It was dark now, and the tree frogs were singing their nightly song, light and cheerful. His spirits slowly brightened, and soon he was thinking of Lori again.<\/p>\n He wondered if he was in love. Boy, it sure felt like it! He had never been in love and he wasn\u2019t sure how a person in love was supposed to feel. It certainly didn\u2019t seem like his mother and father were still in love. Surely, he must be in love. Why else would he feel this way? Finally, after listening to the frogs a bit longer, he concluded that he was in love. That was for certain. And even better, Lori loved him\u2014a little anyway, because girls don\u2019t kiss boys they don\u2019t love, do they? Well, it was fleeting kiss, he admitted. So, even if she didn\u2019t love him, it was obvious she liked him a lot. But, why shouldn\u2019t she. After all, he was a tall, good looking fellow, smart, a good athlete, who had known her practically all her life, had treated her well when they were little, and they had a lot in common. That was what love was all about it, wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n Then, this strong, urging feeling came over him. He would have to let her know how he felt about her, then he could be sure if she felt the same. But how to do it? How do you go about such things. He doubted if he had the courage to tell her straight out, because he knew he would blush and stammer\u2014and probably botch the whole deal. Maybe he could invite her to a movie, on a regular date, and they could talk later. But where could they go after the movie?<\/p>\n How was he going to let her know how he felt? A note? Maybe. Wait\u2026how about a poem\u2026 No, that was too different and pretentious. And, gosh, what would happen if some of his buddies found out he was writing love poems to a girl? Anyway, who writes girls love poems these days? Maybe some of the poets in the old days did it that way, but these were modern times. Would Lori even understand him that way?<\/p>\n After a while, he recalled that she had liked Edgar Allen Poe\u2019s poems\u2014not the spooky stories, but the poems about women Poe had known. He and Lori had studied Poe in English class, and he remembered Lori paid close attention when the teacher read the poems aloud in class.<\/p>\n So, that was what he would do: write a love poem, nice and friendly, not too thick or mushy, just a nice, friendly love poem to let her know how he felt. Nothing wrong with that. Then he wondered if she would think he was a sissy by writing a poem; after all guys didn\u2019t do things like that. But he finally decided he would risk it. He trusted Lori to see things the right way.<\/p>\n He went back inside to his room, and sat at his desk, full of a lover\u2019s spirit, trying to write his poem. But nothing would come, and he soon realized that this poem writing business wasn\u2019t easy. To stimulate his imagination, he went to his bookshelf and took down the volume of Poe\u2019s writings that he had bought a while back. He \u00a0scanned through it, hoping to get some inspiration to help him get started, but nothing would come. He quickly realized that what he liked best about Poe was his stories, with the poems appealing to him only through their rhyme and rhythm, but the romance part seemed somewhat lacking.<\/p>\n Discouraged, he paced around the room, but determined to stick it out. He\u2019d planned on writing a long poem, as he felt he had a lot to say, but when he sat back down and finally got started he could see that writing poems was a tough business, so he decided to make it a short one.<\/p>\n Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by his parents having an argument. Their voices carried\u00a0 into his room from the kitchen, so he got up and closed the door, pushed them out of his mind, and started back to work.<\/p>\n When he finally finished about an hour later, he copied the poem very carefully and neatly on a piece of stationary paper, leaned back in his chair and read his handiwork carefully:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n TO LORI<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Lori, Lori, my sweet,<\/p>\n Your walk, your smile,<\/p>\n The way you toss your head;<\/p>\n Are all I\u2019ve ever longed for;<\/p>\n To anyone who ever loved,<\/p>\n None could have been so dear<\/p>\n As you are to me.<\/p>\n I love you!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n He was rather surprised by his efforts, because he had never done anything like this before. It felt so different. Not bad though, he thought, rather proudly. His English teacher might find fault with it, but that didn\u2019t matter at all; this was a love declaration, pure and simple, and that was okay.<\/p>\n Then there was a knock on the door. It was his father. Upon entering he noticed Randy sliding a paper under a book. \u201cWhat are you doing son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cN-Nothing, Dad. Just writing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell now, another one of your stories?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, not exactly,\u201d Randy answered.<\/p>\n \u201cMind if I see it. Like to see what you\u2019re up to these days. Like to know what your talents are.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2014I don\u2019t know, Dad. It\u2019s kind of personal.\u201d Randy was now in full panic.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not something you\u2019d be ashamed to let me read, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGosh, no, Dad. It\u2019s just that it\u2019s personal. You know\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA girl?\u201d his father asked knowingly.<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2014yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, enough said. In fact, I used to do this sort of thing myself when I was your age.\u201d<\/p>\n Randy looked intently at his father and was aware that this was a crossroads moment. He could sense that he was growing up and becoming more like his father. He was entering the world of grown-ups. After a painful pause, he asked \u00a0\u201cDad, what\u2019s it like?\u201d<\/p>\n His father smiled, \u201cWhat\u2019s what like?\u201d<\/p>\n Randy lowered his head. \u201cYou know\u2026love\u2014sex\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n His father looked at him, somewhat surprised, knowing that he needed to handle this moment carefully.\u00a0 \u201cWell\u2014well, Randy, that\u2019s a tough question. We\u2019ve never talked about this–but I guess it\u2019s time.\u201d After an awkward pause, he continued, \u201cRandy, my son, it\u2019s hard to explain such a subject. You do know the physical side of sex, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Randy felt embarrassed answering, as if he had been hiding something from his parents. \u201cYeah, sort of\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n His father looked at him, wondering how much he did know and where he had obtained his information. \u201cWell the physical side of sex is much too complicated to go into now, and I don\u2019t think I could do a good job of explaining. I\u201dll get you a good book that goes into all the details and it will explain it like a doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n Randy had already read several such books, but had not let his parents know, so he didn\u2019t say anything about it now.<\/p>\n His father continued, \u201cBut that\u2019s not what you want to know about, is it? What I mean is, I guess you want to know about sex and what it means with someone you love. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Randy answered a little too eagerly, \u201cthat\u2019s it.\u201d<\/p>\n His father rubbed his chin. \u201cWell, that\u2019s tough to answer, too.\u201d He gazed out the window, wondering what to say next. \u201cVery difficult, but let me put it this way. Sex and love are different things, and can<\/em> be kept separate between a man and a woman\u2014very easily–sometimes too easily. But they can be combined together\u2014and that\u2019s the ideal. Now, it\u2019s easy to start off in a marriage the right way, but after a while love and sex can drift apart\u2014which is not good! Keeping sex and love combined might be the toughest job in the world. It\u2019s something you have to keep working on all your life, because if you don\u2019t, all your efforts can slip away, with sex on the one hand and love on the other. Sex is incomplete by itself, and the happiest people I know are those who can blend them together\u2014and keep it that way. Sex becomes an act of love, rather than just a physical thing. Understand.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I think so,\u201d Randy answered, not quite convinced if he did or not.<\/p>\n \u201cGood,\u201d his father sighed, much relieved. \u201cTry hard, because if you do, and succeed in someday finding a woman who believes about this like you, then you\u2019ll never lack for happiness\u2014never. But, on the other hand, if you marry someone who doesn\u2019t know this\u2014and don\u2019t assume all women do\u2014then sex will only torment you.\u201d<\/p>\n Randy noticed that his father\u2019s voice had a strange longing as he finished. It seemed in some strange way as if he was talking about himself and his mother.<\/p>\n His father rose from the bed. \u201cWell, that\u2019s enough of that for a while. This old boy\u2019s getting tired. It\u2019s been a long trip.\u201d He walked to the door and turned. \u201cYou think about what I\u2019ve said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Dad, I will.\u201d<\/p>\n After his father left, Randy sat staring at his desk. Boy, that was a lot to think about. His father really surprised him, being able to talk about sex and love the way he did. That was a part of his father he had never known.<\/p>\n Soon Randy realized he was hungry again, so he went out to the kitchen. He found some crackers, then went back on the front porch and sat in the swing, munching the crackers and listening to the tree frogs.<\/p>\n What a complicated business love was, he thought. He looked over to the street lamp, watching the moths hovering beneath the light, and wondered what sex was like for them and all other animals. Was sex just sex to them? Surely, there wasn\u2019t any love. And what about his mother and father? What was sex and love like for them? Did they still love each other the way they used to? He remembered looking through their family album at their wedding pictures and their early days of marriage. There was one special picture, where his mother was holding Randy as a baby, and his father was standing right beside her, with a palm tree in the background, and they looked like they were the happiest people on earth.<\/p>\n Randy continued swinging. When he stopped and silenced the squeaking of the swing, he could hear his parents talking upstairs, but their voices were muffled. Since he was now feeling tired, and he had a baseball game tomorrow, he headed for bed.\u00a0 After taking a shower, he went to his room and crawled into bed.<\/p>\n He began again to think about Lori, but was soon interrupted by his parent\u2019s voices, which were faint but clear, with the still night air carrying their voices down through his open window. \u201cRose, I wish you wouldn\u2019t keep harping about my job. So, we\u2019re not rolling in wealth. So what? Who is in this town? We\u2019ve got a decent home, good friends, and a fine son. Actually we lack for very little.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not just the material things, Bill. It\u2019s just that you\u2019re capable of so much more. Why I remember when we were in college, some of people had grand visions of your abilities, that someday you\u2019d be a big success\u2014and in those days you even believed it yourself. Whatever happened to that man? You were so visionary and enthusiastic, but since working as a salesman you\u2019ve changed. I just don\u2019t know how you could have become a salesman. You\u2019re just not suited for it\u2014and you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n There was a long pause. \u201cLook,\u201d his father snapped back with a voice that was mixed with anger and fatigue, \u201cbe quiet about it\u2014okay! I never made any big pretenses to you! You just assumed too much. Sure, I wanted a big job in a fine company, with plenty of chances for advancement, but the economy has made those jobs rare. I\u2019m doing the best I can, and this job isn\u2019t all that bad\u2014except for the travelling.\u00a0 But we\u2019re doing okay and I am making decent money. What I don\u2019t understand is why what kind of work I do is all that important to you, as long as the necessities are provided for.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it\u2019s just that everything seems like such a waste.\u201d His mother\u2019s voice sounded hurt.<\/p>\n \u2018\u2019And you dreamed that you would be my inspiration to balm all of mankind\u2019s ills. Nonsense! As a matter of fact, I wonder what it is that you want to do with your life. Do you want more kids, or do you have some dreams to fulfill when Randy\u2019s grown and gone? Do you plan to write the great American novel on the kitchen table, and seek fame and fortune. After all, you did study English Literature in college, so I always figured you\u2019d do something with that. Or teach!\u201d<\/p>\n There was a long silence, with neither saying anything further. Finally his father spoke,\u201d Baby, I\u2019m sorry about any broken dreams you may have had about me, but I\u2019ve got to be me and do certain things the way they need to be done. Life sometimes demands we do things just to survive. Come here, sweetie, how about a little loving.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Bill, not tonight. I\u2019m exhausted and I just don\u2019t feel like it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut, Rose\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Bill, not tonight. No, don\u2019t.\u201d Her voice got very stern then. Then she was adamant. \u201cI said no!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, honey. I love you. I need you. For me, then.<\/p>\n Randy listened to all this with a hard lump in his throat. Was love having to beg for sex, or what? It didn\u2019t seem right. He began to feel anger toward his mother.<\/p>\n His father continued imploring, and finally his mother said, \u201cOh, all right, or neither of us will get any sleep.\u201d Her voice was now detached and matter-of-fact in tone.<\/p>\n There was silence for a time, and Randy wished he hadn\u2019t heard any of this, but he couldn\u2019t help listening further. He could hear their love-making sounds faintly, and he was strangely disgusted. Then everything was quiet.<\/p>\n \u201cYou see, Bill,\u201d his mother finally said, crying, \u201cit was no good for me. I feel simply terrible. I don\u2019t know why you make me do it when you know it\u2019ll be like this. Just a little consideration…\u201d<\/p>\n Randy could listen no more. There were tears in his eyes and a huge, painful knot deep in his throat. His tears soon turned into soft sobbing. He slowly got out of bed, and grabbed his love poem from the desk, looking at it and thinking how pointless it was. He stumbled his way out of his room, through the kitchen, and out the back door, unmindful of the noise as he slammed the screen door.<\/p>\n What\u2019s happening, he thought. What\u2019s wrong with his mom and dad? He looked up at the full moon. What\u2019s the point about all this love business?<\/p>\n He\u00a0 unfolded the poem. He could read the words clearly in the moonlight, but they no longer seemed\u00a0 good and beautiful–only stupid and meaningless.<\/p>\n He stumbled back to the goat pen. Chester stood by the fence looking at him with his head cocked to the side, as if trying to figure out what was wrong with Randy. Randy hesitated a moment, then without thinking, he thrust the poem through the fence to the goat. Chester grabbed it immediately with his mouth and began chewing it up. Soon it was gone and Chester just stood there looking at Randy like he always did when he was hungry.<\/p>\n THE END<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" LOVE POEM FOR A BILLY GOAT A Short Story by Joe Wilkins Copyright \u00a9 2015 Randy Watson was confused\u2014but he also felt good, because he figured he must be in love, or at least what he imagined love … Continue reading