(This pun will not likely be understood by anyone who does not remember popular music of the 1940’s. Enjoy it if you can.)

On a small farm in Florida, there lived two very old people: a husband and wife, named Leroy and Mabel Kittle. What was amazing about them was that they were 115 and 112 years old respectively. In addition, they were both in perfect health, and did all the physical labor on their farm by themselves. It seemed they had found the “Fountain of Youth.”

It wasn’t long before a reporter from Fox News heard about them, and he decided to travel down to their farm for an interview, in hopes of discovering their secret for longevity. When the reporter arrived at the farm he saw the elderly couple in their garden, hoeing and weeding during the hottest part of the summer day. He also noticed three female horses and six female deer, together in a corral nearby. Next to them, in an adjacent pen, were several young sheep. That was an odd combination of animals, he thought.

He approached the Kittles and introduced himself, saying he had heard about their age and good health, and wondered if they would share their secret with his TV audience.

Needless to say, the Kittles were pleased that he was taking an interest in them, and they were excited about the prospect of being on national TV.

After a pleasant conversation, the reported asked, “Mr. and Mrs. Kittle, I know our audience would love to learn just what it is that you do to prolong your lives and to remain in such excellent health. Will your share your secret with us?”

Mr. Kittle smiled and said, ” Why, of course we will young man. What we have discovered will be of benefit to all mankind.”

“Well, please tell me the secret,” the reporter implored.

Mr. Kittle looked at his smiling wife, and then said, “See those mares over there in the corral with the does. The youngest one is forty-five years old! And those lambs in the pen are all over thirty-five years old. Every one of those animals is twice as old as the average. Quite a feat, don’t you think?”

“Yes, yes!” the now excited reporter exulted. “But how have you done it?”

Mr. Kittle winked knowingly at his wife, and then answered, pointing to a field of grain next to the farm. “See that field of oats over there. It’s a special variety we discovered on a trip to India years ago. Well, we brought it back, planted it, and started feeding it to the horses and deer. Later we noticed the mares and does started living much longer than normal. And see all that ivy growing up the trunks of all our trees here. That’s a variety of ivy we discovered in Tibet. We brought it back and planted it because it’s so pretty. Well, the sheep started eating it, and danged if they didn’t start living longer too. Well, me and Mrs. kittle can put two and two together, so we started eating the oats everyday for breakfast, and had the ivy in our salads each day at suppertime. And it worked for us as well as the animals.”

The reported was flabbergasted. “You mean to tell me that eating those oats and that ivy is the reason you and your wife are living so long and are in such good health. that’s hard to believe!”

Mr. Kittle cocked his head, looked at the reporter knowingly, and sang, “Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. The Kittles eat ivy too, shouldn’t you!”

(Ouch!)